Being the loyal American that he is, Stephen Colbert supports the U.S. soccer team, and makes a good case for supporting soccer in general.

Soccer Pros: Fun Scarves and riots
Soccer Cons: Players must be in shape and low scores

From Babe Ruth to CC Sabathia, our world-class athletes are traditionally one corn dog away from a massive coronary.

Colbert didn’t do enough to turn me into a full-fledged soccer fan but rioting with a scarf on sounds like fun.

Colbert, like much of America, couldn’t tell you any of the U.S. soccer players but we’re happy for ourselves the fellas anyway.

I never knew Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders supported gay marriage. Good thing Colbert’s around to shine some light on this topic.

“The Oakland Raiders might not have lost 75 percent of their games over the past six seasons if their logo hadn’t been a clear endorsement for gay rights. An eye patch and a leather helmet? Message receeeeeeiiiiiiiiveeeeeeed.”

Colbert on tennis:

“I’m no fan of tennis. If I wanted to see men in short-shorts running around hitting balls with a paddle, I’d go on the Internet.”

And finally, Colbert on America’s longest running soap opera, Brett Favre retiring:

“Folks it’s that time of the year when the sounds of summer float through the air. The roar of the surf, the sizzle of the grill, the waffling of a retired Brett Favre. That’s right. The national pastime of Brett Favre retirement watching. A sport that’s now lasted more seasons than the XFL.

Green Bay fans would like to help Brett become a Viking by putting him on a boat and setting it on fire.”