Australian Customs officials seized 150 bottles of steroids disguised as ‘gay lube oil’ thwarting a smuggling network’s latest attempt at bringing the banned substances into the country. The bottles contained testosterone and deca durabolin and were found in Victoria, Western Australia, New South Wales, Queensland and South Australia.

Customs spokesman, Richard Janeczko, says the steroids have been smuggled into the country in several different ways.

“These goods are found mainly coming through the mail, express mail, some of them have come in through passengers, others have come in through people carrying them in.”

Mr Janeckzo, says people take steroids to try to look good.

“The bulk of the people we investigate are actually not elite sports people. The people that want to enhance their image either gym people, security guards, bikies.”

I don’t use steroids but a bottle labeled gay lube oil would make me stop. If somebody saw me with the vial how would I justify it? I can admit to using steroids or bite the bullet and say ‘what, you’ve never tried this?’, but either way I lost.

Too bad the steroids being investigated in the Mitchell Report weren’t smuggled in this way. It would have been funny as hell to see ballplayers in front of Congress testifying about the clear, the cream, and the gay lube oil.

steroids, Australia, smuggling

I wouldn’t go this route but you have to respect the hustle of Pa Lor and Tia Yang. The two enterprising women from Minnesota hatched a plan that they thought would bring in some extra cash, instead they’re being indicted.

The ladies have been charged with one count of conspiracy to smuggle wildlife and one count of conspiracy to distribute and possess with intent to distribute anabolic steroids. The court papers lay out their plan:

The indictment alleges that from October 2005 to August 2006, the Yang and Lor conspired to bring wild animals into the U.S. for sale and offer wildlife for sale at a booth at the International Marketplace in St. Paul.

Asian elephant, giant squirrel, leopard cat, mongoose, flying squirrel, black-striped weasel, gibbon, leaf monkey, monitor lizard, tapir, slider turtles and small-clawed otter…to name a few.

The indictment also alleges that from October 2005 to August 2006 the two women conspired to distribute and possess with intent to distribute approximately 184 units of a substance containing a detectable amount of anabolic steroids.

I thought the Pizza Hut-Taco Bell by my crib was a weird combination, but these chicks took it to another level with wild animals and anabolic steroids. If Michael Jackson played baseball I could understand it, but since he doesn’t, who were they targeting? And how does it work?
“Can I interest you in this giant squirrel? No? How bout some ‘roids for the kids?”

Twin Cities Women Indicted For Smuggling Wild Animals, Steroids. Courtesy of My Fox Twin Cities

Minnesota, smuggling, steroids, wild animals

Today is April 20, 2007. An average Friday except to the weed culture. 4/20 means Thanksgiving in April for derms potheads. They get together in celebration of cannabis… They eat, drink, and smoke mary.

I don’t know if this is true but it seems to me that 4:20 is bigger than ever this year. Three different people told me they were having or going to 4/20 themed parties. I didn’t know or consider that 2 of these 3 people chiefed trees. This is the first year anybody I know has told me they were going to a 4/20 party.

I received 4 different chain text messages with the same general theme:

PUFF PUFF PASS! This is a cellular blunt so don’t fuck up the rotation keep this shit movin’ til the whole world hits it! Happy 4/20 

or something like this:

Row row row my blunt twist it at da end.. light it up n take a puff n pass it 2 a friend… keep dis blunt goin! Happy 420

I know text messaging is bigger than ever but this is the first time I’ve ever been texted 420 chain messages.. And speaking of chain messages, forwards, all that crap. Stop sending them to me. I hate that shit. I hate it in my email…I especially hate it on my cellphone. I wasn’t responding or forwarding the blunt messages today until I was worried that all of the 420ers knew I wasn’t “passin it to the left” and would continue to bombard me. 3 of the text messages were from people not stored in my phone. Numbers that I don’t recognize.. So I sent the last two on to some more people (that are probably pissed) and low and behold.. No more chain text. Today. I’m sure I’ll get the “If you love the Lord” or “Send this for a miracle” text tomorrow.

In honor of the people honoring 4:20, I have put together a list of some of their heroes.

Nate Newton: The former member of the Dallas Cowboys was busted with 213 pounds of the ganja back in November 2001. 5 weeks later he got caught with 175 pounds. He ended up doing 2 1/2 years in Federal prison.

 Ricky Williams: The shy, weed loving, helmet wearing in an interview, running back. He made headlines for violating the NFL’s drug policy 3 times, and retiring to avoid suspension. Sticky Ricky’s hoping to be reinstated into the league this fall.

Damon Stoudamire: Mighty Mouse has had all kinds of problems with the mean green. His most memorable arrest came when he tried to get some weed wrapped in aluminium foil through an airport metal detector. Stoudamire credits a Scott Baio after-school special for helping him kick his habit.

That’s my top 3. My Michael, Magic, and Bird. My Berry, Alba, and Union. If you have anybody you think should be in the top 3 instead of who I have, lemme know.

Speaking of marijuana. This week Pro Football Weekly reported that Georgia Tech WR Calvin Johnson, Clemson DE Gaines Adams, and Louisville DT Amobi Okoye admitted to smoking marijuana. In the past players such as Warren Sapp and Randy Moss have dropped down the draft ladder due to being associated with marijuana. This is always funny to me.

If a guy has smoked some kush in the past, he’s not worthy of being drafted in the top 10, but it’s ok to go later in the first round? General managers that draft early have more scruples than gm’s that draft later? I don’t get that. It seems the only thing the league wants to do is lower the guys signing bonus. If you go lower in the draft, your chance of going to a better team increases. Wouldn’t it be more detrimental to a top pick to wind up on the Lions rather than the Rams, Steelers, or Jaguars?

Message to draftees from the NFL: If you’re a first round stud and want to make sure you end up with the Chargers, admit to blazing the buddah a few times your senior year. You’re gonna lose a little money, but you’ll play for a winner.

Five Athletes That Enjoy 4-20. Courtesy of Sportable.com

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Sports agent Gustavo “Gus” Dominguez was convicted of smuggling Cuban baseball players to the United States. The penalties include up to 5 years in jail for conspiracy to smuggle and up to 10 years in jail for each of 20 different smuggling convictions. So worst case scenario ol Gus risked 205 years in jail to transport 5 players 90 miles north to Florida.

A federal jury found him guilty of conspiracy to smuggle five ballplayers from Cuba to the Florida Keys. According to trial evidence, he then had the illegal immigrants transported to California, where they were harbored pending an expected windfall from lucrative future sports contracts. Evidence against Dominguez included $225,000 in payments to purported drug trafficker and Cuban smuggler Ysbel Medina.

Dominguez denied breaking the law at his trial.. Hmmm you don’t say.. There’s no mention of which teams were interested in the kidnapped exported players, but after a week and a half it looks like the Giants, Nationals, and Phillies could really use them. The Royals belong on that list too but they’re small market and all of there money is tied up here.

When I hear the term “smuggling cubans” I automatically think stogies. Gustavo should have been thinking the same thing. While you won’t neccesarily get off lightly for smuggling a large quantity of cigars, fines and the possibility of jail time trumps 205 years in lock up.

Sports agent convicted of smuggling Cubans swacked from Guardian Unlimited

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