The folks at Steady Burn bring us this video of Shaquille O’Neal singing Peter Cetera’s “Glory of Love” because O’Neal loves the ladies and the ladies love Cetera. Or maybe he’s doing it because he’s an attention hog that has to do something every couple of weeks in an attempt to make us say “Look at Shaq, he’s hilarious.” I’d bet all of The Big Lead’s money on Shaq pop-locking and doing some goofy thing in Boston by the end of the month.

Shaq’s Musical Tribute to Daniel-Son, Miyagi and The Karate Kid, Part II (VIDEO) [Steady Burn]

Tennessee Titans running back Chris Johnson thinks he could beat the world’s fastest man Usain Bolt in a race, even though he might not he might not even be the fastest player in his sport. Johnson ran the second leg of a three-man relay race on ABC’s “Shaq Vs.” last night and appeared to get dusted by Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson. By dusted I mean outrun at half-speed in a made for television event.

The first race is Shaq with a 30 meter lead against Tyson Gay with the big man holding on to win. The second race features Dwight Howard hauling ass and then DeSean Jackson beating Chris Johnson:

Why can’t Jackson, Johnson, Tedd Ginn Jr. and whoever else thinks they can move have a legit 100m showdown? As an objective Eagles fan, I’d put my money on D-Jack.

Shaq vs. Rachel Ray and Tyson Gay [Hulu]

After weeks of flirtation and rumor, Shaquille O’Neal has decided to join the Boston Celtics for the 2010-11 season.

Terms of the deal haven’t been released yet, but word on the street is that it is a two-year contract for the veteran minimum ($1.4 million). The Celtics recently signed Jermaine O’Neal and, at age 38, Shaq is quickly approaching the end of his career, which begs the question: Will Shaq make Boston a better team?

At surface level, it appears he will.

Even with the recent signing of J.O., the Celtics need help in the front court. Kendrick Perkins, Boston’s Luca Brasi-like hitman, will be out until at least February with an ACL injury, and Jermaine can’t carry the low post load on his own.

Besides, even after 18 seasons in the league–and with over 41,000 minutes on his NBA odometer–Shaq’s numbers and PER were on par with the 25-year-old Perkins’ last season. Shaq averaged 12 points and 7 rebounds in 23 minutes per game last season and ended up with a PER of 17.9. Perkins: 10 points, 8 rebounds per game in 28 minutes with a PER of 15. I could go deeper, but suffice it to say the two were comparable in nearly every significant statistical category.

On top of that, Shaq, a three-time scoring champ, gives Boston the low post scoring threat they haven’t had since Al Jefferson left town in the Kevin Garnett trade. Based on the amount of low percentage shots the Celtics took in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, they need help in that department.

All of which makes Shaq a perfect fit in Boston, right?

Not so fast.

Shaq brings a number of good qualities to the table, but he also comes with his share of hang-ups. More hang-ups, one could argue, than any other center on the market.

For one, he doesn’t rotate well on defense.

Age and indifference have made Shaq’s feet painfully slow on that end. Get him outside the low post and it’s like an elephant trying to catch a Red Bull-soaked impala. It’s awkward just watching him try.

This is bad news for the Celtics. Their defense is built around perfectly-timed switches and contested shots, and therefore doesn’t accomodate poorly conditioned, monolithic centers. Doc Rivers may be able to help him along in terms of defensive philosophy, but there’s no getting around Shaq’s physical setbacks. He’s a defensive liability no matter which way you slice it.

Second, he isn’t a good fit with any front court player on the Celtics other than Kevin Garnett.

Garnett is more of a high post player. Shaq is more low post. They should be able to play together no problem. But Shaq isn’t going to be the starter. Jermaine O’Neal is. Which means Shaq will likely see fewer minutes next to KG and more alongside Glen Davis, who is undersized and, like Shaq, a player who operates primarily in the low post.

Unless Big Baby returns to 2009 playoff form and starts hitting 15-foot jumpers like he’s the Big Fundamental, there’s going to be a redundancy problem when he and Shaq are on the court at the same time.

Third, what happens when Perkins is healthy?

I don’t think he’ll come back until late in the season, if not the beginning of the playoffs, but when he does it will create an issue for the Celtics.

Perkins is Rivers’ guy, which means he’s going to get his starter’s role back as soon as he’s capable of handling it. Presuming Perk is healthy enough to start again in the playoffs, Jermaine O’Neal becomes the primary backup and Shaq is relegated to what? Brian Scalabrine duty? There’s no way he’s going to be okay with that.

Why? Because he’s Shaq and he wants attention!

In his mind, he’s not some unsung bench player. He’s a star; one with a television show, Justin Bieber connections and enough Twitter followers to declare war on Slovenia (and probably win).

Shaq is, and always has been, a talented player. But above all else he’s a media whore. All of the nicknames. All of the feuds. All of that win a ring for the King stuff. It’s all nonsense.

I’m sure Shaq wants to win another championship (who wouldn’t?), but more than that I think he wants to be relevant, to be popular and to be a cultural icon.

This is a guy who battled Dwight Howard over a nickname for crying out loud. Do you really think he’s going to ride the pine without bitching? No way. He has too much ego for that.

Which brings me to the final problem with signing Shaq: He looks good on paper, but he hasn’t made either of his previous two teams better.

Shaq’s recent track record speaks for itself. The Suns were a better team after he left and the Cavs were better when he wasn’t on the court. That’s all you need to know.

Shaq’s individual numbers are good, especially for a player his age, but I don’t see him making a positive impact on the Celtics. He’s just too old, too slow on defense and too unwilling to recognize that he’s no longer as relevant as he once was.

Ultimately, Shaq’s time in Boston will be remembered not for his achievements or successes, but for his awesome new nickname: the Jolly Green Giant.

I don’t think he’ll have nearly the impact people are expecting him to.

I don’t think he’ll have nearly the impact people are expecting him to.

Shaquille O’Neal is still waiting for the right offer to entice him to join a team. It was reported earlier this week that Shaq sent feelers to the European leagues in search of a $10 million contract. He now says he plans on playing in the NBA this season and he’ll retire -Not go to Europe- if a contending team doesn’t offer him a contract. I’m still liking him in Boston as the Big Leprechaun.

Shaq has found one winner that’s glad to have him around: Justin Bieber. The teenage pop sensation and the middle-aged center recently sang a duet, and will be together in August on ABC’s “Shaq Vs.” for a dance competition. Here’s some video of Shaquiber rehearsing for the show. And you know before watching the clip that Shaq does his usual robot and breakdancing routine.

Let’s hope Shaq lands an NBA job soon because I don’t wanna see this Shaq-Bieber relationship turn into Jacko-Macaulay Culkin..

Shaq vs. Justin Bieber [BobbyTorres3-Youtube]

Brian Windhorst of The Plain Dealer reports Shaquille O’Neal has shifted from ring-chasing mode to strictly paper stacking. O’Neal recently tested the European market in hopes of landing a $10 million contract in one last cash grab. Windhorst adds that Cleveland could sign Shaq to a contract in the $5 million to $7 million range and hold him until a contender gets desperate.

If he wants his best shot at a title then O’Neal should try to sign with Boston. If he’s looking for the most money possible he should take the deal with Cleveland. It might take awhile but like Terrell Owens in the NFL, a team or two will come callling for Shaq’s services.

LeBron James’ basketball camps push the line in regard to recruiting amateurs for sports agency: Hey, Brian! [The Plain Dealer]

Shaquille O’Neal is going voice-to-voice against Justin Bieber in the second season of ABC’s “Shaq Vs.” The Big Bieber and the regular one provided a sneak peek of the episode during a Justin concert rehearsal in Phoenix. Shaq should stick to presenting Justin with Teen Choice Awards. Round 1 goes to the lil fella.

Justin Bieber, yes I love you
I hope you like me,
I’m your biggest fan

Shaq needs to focus on signing, not singing. Here’s some video of Justin Bieber being a young a-hole by making his fans chase him while he cruises on a Segway:

Shaquille O’Neal wants to end his unemployment by signing on with the Boston Celtics for the 2010-11 season. A couple of weeks ago there was talk of Shaq going to Atlanta. His name has also been mentioned (who knows how seriously?) in connection with San Antonio, Cleveland and New Jersey. Shaq says it’s not about the money. He wants to play somewhere that has a chance to win. Signing with Boston would be putting winning where his mouth is.

From Fanhouse:

Although O’Neal was unavailable for comment Friday, two sources close to him confirmed his continued interest in the Celtics, even though they currently have no room, or exceptions, under the salary cap to pay him beyond the NBA veteran’s minimum of $1.35 million.

The Celtics could pay him more, but only if his former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, helped with a sign-and-trade deal.

“He only wants to go to a team with a chance to win it all,” one source said. “That’s a short list. Even for the money, he’s not going to a non-contender.”

Be sure to keep up with the latest college football odds.

Shaq, AI and T-Mac. I don’t know which one will find a team first and it doesn’t really matter. Any thing those three guys give you at this point is gravy. They’re all past the point of being meaningful contributors on winning teams.

Shaq Wants to Wear Celtics Green [Fanhouse]

Model Vanessa Lopez has hired Gloria Allred to represent her in a harassment case against Shaquille O’Neal. Allred confirmed that Lopez is her client to RadarOnline.

I don’t have 100 percent proof of this but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this is the same Vanessa Lopez that claimed she dated J.J. Redick (The same Redick that said he doesn’t see a need for TMZSports) and that his brother threatened her. That doesn’t mean her claims against O’Neal are false but it would make them suspicious. Even though she’s not the first woman to seek protection from Shaquille.

The message here is plain and simple: NBA players need to hide their wives and girlfriends when The Diesel’s in town. Shaq allegedly hooked up with Gilbert Arenas’ fiance (Agent Zero denies it happened), and he had fling with Damien Wilkins baby mama (. Shawn Kemp should immediately have blood tests done with all of his alleged children. They’re probably all his but you never know with the way Shaq gets around.

Vanessa Lopez Pictures

EXCLUSIVE: Woman Claims Shaquille O’Neal Harassing Her, Hires Gloria Allred [Radar Online]

Shaquille O’Neal is a large man so people assume his height and girth translate to him having the equivalent of a two-year-old baby tucked into his basketball shorts. Comedian Joe Barbor claims to have had an encounter with Shaq’s Pack in a Louisiana restroom.

I’ll admit that the routine wasn’t that funny but I’ll make up for it with this video of Larry David and Richard Lewis trying to find out how “Big” Muggsy Bogues is:

A little over a year ago Shaq and Shaunie O’Neal called off their pending divorce and Shaunie said “Neither one of us could probably answer why we were getting one in the first place.” Something jogged Shaunie’s memory because she filed for divorce from Shaquille in California on Monday. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say it was the emails posted on YBF five days ago.

Divorce is tough but if the rumors about cheating, private banking accounts and hidden real estate are true this one was a long time coming. Shaq likes to brag about not spending his NBA money and that’s good because Shaunie’s about to take a nice chunk.

Shaq’s Wife Files for Legal Separation [TMZ]