Tony Kornheiser ended his three-year tour on Monday Night Football by resigning his post making way for former coach Jon Gruden to become the third man in the booth. TK issued a statement to go along with the ESPN press release.

I’m a Kornheiser fan but his schtick didn’t work on MNF. Gruden was decent on the NFL Network, and his addition says ESPN wants their broadcast to be more game oriented. Knowing Gruden hasn’t been a fan of ESPN in the past the network should have given Chris Rock’s Monday Night Football audition tape another viewing.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMfXkMX0J-w[/youtube]

I was watching ESPN’s Monday Night countdown before the Dallas/Buffalo game when Ed Werder talked of a list that Bill Parcells gave to Tony Romo.. A list so powerful, that Romo reads it at the beginning of every season and the end of every season. Apparently, the information’s not quite as useful during the season… Anyways, ESPN gave Bill Parcells a segment to divulge the contents of the magical scroll, and he presented his quarterback commandments.

1. Press or t.v., agents or advisors, family or wives, friends or relatives, fans or hangers on, ignore them on matters of football, they don’t know what’s happening here.

2. Don’t forget to have fun, but don’t be the class clown. Clowns and leaders don’t mix. Clowns can’t run a huddle.

3. A quarterback throws with his legs more than his arms. Squat and run. Fat quarterbacks can’t avoid the rush.

4. Know your job cold. This is not a game without errors. Keep yours to a minimum. Study.

5. Know your own players. Who’s fast? Who can catch? Who needs encouragement? Be precise. Know your opponent.

6. Be the same guy everyday. In condition, preparing to lead, studying your plan. A coach can’t prepare you for every eventuality. Prepare yourself and remember, impulse decisions usually equal mistakes.

7. Throwing the ball away is a good play. Sacks, interceptions, and fumbles are bad plays..Protect against those.

8. You must learn to manage the game. Personnel, play call, motions, ball handling, proper reads, accurate throws, play fakes. Clock, clock, clock, don’t you ever lose track of the clock.

9. Passing stats and td passes are not how you’re gonna be judged. Your job is to get your team in the endzone and that’s how you’re gonna be judged.

10. When all around you is in chaos, you must be the hand that steers the ship. If you have a panic button, so will everyone else. Our ship can’t have panic buttons.

11. Don’t be a celebrity quarterback. We don’t need any of those. We need battlefield commanders that are willing to fight it out everyday, every week, and every season, and lead their team to win after win after win.

Video of Parcells Courtesy of Fanhouse

Gotta love Parcells having 11 commandments.. Take that, take that, God. Bill went on to say that Romo’s been paying attention.. There are plenty of quarterbacks that haven’t been paying attention though. Most notably Matt Leinart(#11), Jon Kitna (#7), and Jared Lorenzen (#3).

Tags: Bill Parcells, NFL, Monday Night Football, ESPN, Commandments, Tony Romo

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0IhG35q2RA[/youtube]

The play in the video happened against the Rams. If it had happened against Buffalo, the pass would’ve been intercepted.. 5 times.. I like how the Boys scrapped the punt in favor of the interception on Monday night. It resulted in points for Buffalo a few times, but overall pretty damn effective. Yes I’m hatin on Tony Romo and Dallas. You won the game. Big deal. First and foremost, I’m an Eagles fan so I have to hate Dallas. Secondly, I picked them to cover the 10 point spread in a classic trap game, so I’m pissed at them for me being an idiot. Third..

Third. Cowboys fans. Jeezus Christ. Shut up already. For all of my Eagle supporting life, I’ve had to hear it from the Dallas faithful. The Cowboys, Redskins, and Giants have all won Super Bowls. In the last 25 years, those 3 teams have gone to 9 Super Bowls, winning 7 of them. The Eagles have been to 1. The Birds are the NFC East championship ugly stepchild, and the Big D diehards don’t mind letting you know it…

And so, when Nick Folk’s 2nd last second 53 yard field goal sailed through the uprights, (Buffalo used a teh ghey, right before the kick, timeout to nullify the first kick. This tactic needs to yanked. Thanks Shanahan.) I stared at my cellphone. I knew the call or text was coming any minute… It took a little longer than I thought, but my buddy Newy Scruggs sent me a text message.

NS: How bout dem Cowboys!

HG: (typing dejectedly) I was expectin’ this text a while ago.

NS: I was in the locker room. America’s Team baby.

HG: F*** ‘em

This led to a phone conversation about bullshit victories, teams fighting to the end, Kanye West and the team plane. When I asked Scruggs what he thought about next week’s game against New England he said he couldn’t even think about Sunday yet. He was still enjoying Monday night… God I hope the Patriots beat the Cowboys by 50.

Tags: Tony Romo, Tecmo Bowl, Dallas Cowboys, You Tube, Sports, Monday Night Football

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb5t1cP0FMM[/youtube]

It’s impossible to compile any kind of list of NBA quotes and not include Charles Barkley. Shaq gives Sir Charles a run for his money, falling short because Charles’ humor is from the heart, while Shaq is trying to be funny… The Chuckster stopped in the booth last week on Monday Night Football, and said that he plans to run for governor of Alabama in 2014.. He better hope that none of his constituents are Boston Celtics fans.

I’m disappointed that there weren’t any clips from the 2004 Olympic team. It woulda been great to see Larry Brown’s loose coaching style keeping the players in stitches… Or footage from the cruise ship poker games. My favorite part of the video is that woman having no idea she’s talking to John Stockton.

Tags: NBA, Dream Team, You Tube, Charles Barkley, Team USA, Boston Celtics, LeBron James

I’m glad to see that no matter how uptight ESPN gets, they always have room for some penis humor. I would expect that type of thing from Sean Salisbury, but not from Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser, and Ron Jaworski.

TK: You just mentioned Chad Johnson, Rudi Johnson, and Jeremy Johnson.

RJ: That is correct.

MT: And don’t forget that Landon Johnson scored a defensive touchdown.

TK: Absolutely. And we have another story later if we can get to it about somebody almost named Johnson.

RJ: Do you know who the biggest Johnson is?

TK: Noooooooo.. (Laughing)

RJ: It’s Jeremy. He came to camp over 300 pounds. He had to lose 20 pounds before they allowed him to practice. Big fella.

TK: I’m gonna let you have that all by yourself. (Laughing).. Followed by 13 seconds of silence in the booth.

I was laughing at the fact that Tony was laughing. I loved how Tirico kept a low profile during the whole discusssion.. You would think he would have something to add to the conversation. I thought Ditka would fart in the booth during the second game, just to one up the A team, but unless it was silent and deadly, it never happened.

Something To Think About While Watching Sean Salisbury. Courtesy of Deadspin

Tags: Monday Night Football, ESPN, Tony Kornheiser, Sophomoric Humor