I’m an every Thursday barber shop cat. I like getting my hair cut, or at least lined, weekly. Right now my hair is in the process of going from something like this to more like this… I found myself with some spare time Wednesday and decided to hit the shop a day early. 

The first thing I can be sure of when I get to the barber shop is that there’s not gonna be any parking. It doesn’t help that the shop is next to a nail salon, a market, and a soul food restaurant, but at the same time, the nail salon (dimes), the market (products), and the soul food restaurant (soul food) add to the ambiance of the area. You can occasionally get your car washed, or an oil change in the lot which adds to the traffic jam.

Once inside everybody does one of these things: A) Nod at your barber and ask “how many you got?” B) Walk in, sit down, and hope you get a cut. C) Walk over to your barber to ask how many he got and do a long series of handshakes and clowning while the person getting their haircut grows increasingly impatient. D) Walk in talking loud, go around dapping every person in the building, and try desperately to find one person that wants to listen to your bullshit. I’m an A and once in a great while a C. No matter your letter, whether you’re in the chair or waiting your turn, you get to listen in on some enlightening conversations.

1. “Would you do 6 years in prison for $10 million dollars?” While I wasn’t a part of the conversation, I still had to consider it. My personal sticking point was which kind of prison was it. They were going back and forth between the state pen and the federal prison. I decided to myself I would do 6 years in federal prison for $48mil. It would be like playing for the Timberwolves for 6 years and getting $8mil a season. I wouldn’t like it, but I think I could tough it out.

2. “Lloyd Banks is a better rapper than Nas, Jadakiss, and Young Buck.” I had to put my two cents in on this one. I said Nas was the best out of the 4 and Lloyd was the worst. I had Jada second and Buck third. When I think about Hip Hop, I rarely think of Lloyd Banks. I don’t have anything against him, but he’s not in Nas’ class. Most of the 9-10 people had Jada #1. That led to us being serenaded with Banks lyrics to prove that he’s the best on the list. Needless to say, my mind didn’t change.

3. “See, y’all can have Buffie and that ass but I like women like that.” The comment was made in reference to a nice looking slim woman that was walking into the nail shop.  I’m saying slim but she could have easily been called skinny. I’m guessing she weighed 5-7 pounds less than Kelly. I’m in the middle on this one. ”That ass” is nice to look at and even chill with, but the big ass gets old… and saggy. I like for a woman to have an appropriate amount of meat on her bones. She doesn’t need to look like she needs a meal, and I don’t want her looking like she can’t wait to eat. The shop opinions were across the board. Some dudes were in the Kelly and lower camp, a few were in the middle with me, a number of guys liked that ass, and one cat was really rollin with the big chicks. I believe the exact quote was “Lane Bryant Giants”.

4. “Kobe Bryant is a bitch.” I didn’t bring up the subject, and I’m all Kobe’d out, so I didn’t offer anything more than “he definitely could’ve handled his trade demand better”. Great information, I know, but I wanted to listen more than talk. The group was split close to 50-50 on trade him vs. build around him. Nearly everybody that felt Kobe should stay wanted the Lakers to get Jermaine O’neal and Ron Artest to run with KB24. The get him out camp wanted damn near anybody else playing for the Lakers. They wanted to trade him to Phoenix, Dallas, Memphis, or to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett. There’s no room for a salary cap or trade restrictions in the barber shop, you just think of a deal and spit.

5. “You better start stocking up on fifths.” The BET and ASCAP Awards are in Los Angeles next week, so that statement was advice on having your bar prepared. The dude that suggested we stock up also said “I got condoms everywhere… I’m ready for anything.”, and  something along the lines of wanting to “catch a [woman] that looks like a deer in headlights of the big city”.. I’m paraphrasing but barely. I won’t be attending either award show, and I don’t know if I’ll go to any parties. I’m not planning on stocking up on alcohol but if I were I’d have Johnny Walker Black or Bombay Sapphire wall to wall.

The barber shop is always home to some lively debate. It doesn’t matter if knowledge is being dropped or somebody’s just kicking some bullshit, it’s cool. There are so many things heard at the barber shop that it becomes hard to remember any. The only thing that sucks about the barber shop is when your barber has to leave early but he didn’t tell anybody that was waiting for him until he was leaving.. On the bright side, I get to go back and forth on which Jordan’s are the best (1s, IVs, and XIs) or what exactly constitutes “trickin on a broad”, on Thursday.

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