Ron Artest made a lot of people laugh during last season’s playoffs when he said Mike Chatfield was the best player he ever played against. He also said Brandon Roy is better than Kobe Bryant and LeBron James which made Artest’s statement seem even more out there.

As it turned out Chatfield was a childhood friend of Ron’s that made some bad decisions and wound up in prison. Chatfield was killed recently so Artest gave him a tribute with his opening night haircut.

Here’s Artest talking about Chatfield’s death with the LA Times:

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Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager Joe Torre asked Manny Ramirez to cut his hair, and Ramirez has complied if you count an inch being taken off of his dreads as haircut. The before and after picture above doesn’t show a lot of difference but Joe Torre is cool with the trim up.

“He took a little bit off. In the initial meeting I had with him when I said, ‘How important is your hair?’ He said, ‘You want me to cut it?’ I said, ‘Well, I’d like you to clean it up a little bit.’ I think he was within the rules of cleaning it up a little bit.”

Unfortunately for Torre, Manny conforming by an inch made T.J. Simer’s prediction come true. At least for one night.

I haven’t come up with a nickname for Torre yet, but Delilah is under strong consideration.

Right now the Dodgers have Samson batting cleanup, and it’s just a fact, if he cuts his hair — he loses his strength and becomes Juan Pierre.

Manny Ramirez went hitless in his first game with his “new-do”. This could be the effect of cutting his hair or a coincidence. Ramirez had an 0-5 night on August 8 against the Giants, but he’s been a hitting machine other than that game. Joe Torre should publicly apologize to the Los Angeles Dodgers fans at the end of the season if Manny goes into a slump and the Dodgers miss the playoffs. Ruining Manny’s mojo for the sake of a rule is gonna seem stupid in hindsight.

Manny Ramirez, Joe Torre, haircut, Los Angeles Dodgers

Men know not to mess with a woman’s hair but that doesn’t seem to apply in the IRL. Danica Patrick’s teammates at Andretti Green Racing have stated that they will cut off her hair when she wins her first race. DP’s not feeling that celebration:

“I don’t know. I really think I’m going to have to have someone intervene. I get two inches cut off, ever, and I’m hyperventilating. I’ve always had long hair as long as I’ve been on this earth. I don’t think it’s going to happen. I really don’t. But I’m going to run for my life, though. I know that much. I’m not going to open it up like wide open, take my helmet off in pit lane and be like ‘Hey, where are the guys?’ I might just leave it on for an hour, not until I can have someone restrain them and search their pockets.”

The obvious joke would be that Danica’s hair will grow to her feet before she has to pay up, but she’s been creeping towards her first victory. She’s had 13 starts and 9 top ten finishes this season. She’s in 7th place, 4 points ahead of Scott Sharp and 13 points behind Helio Castroneves, in the IndyCar standings. Winning a race is Patrick’s only challenge left.

 If Danica does win a race and ends up getting her hair cut, I wonder.. How low will the team take it? I’ll have to reconsider Danica’s Playboy shoot if her head gets shaved like Britney Spears.

Danica Patrick looks forward to first win but dreads teammates plans to give her a haircut. Courtesy of The Sporting News

6 Women from the sports world that Playboy should contact.

I’m an every Thursday barber shop cat. I like getting my hair cut, or at least lined, weekly. Right now my hair is in the process of going from something like this to more like this… I found myself with some spare time Wednesday and decided to hit the shop a day early. 

The first thing I can be sure of when I get to the barber shop is that there’s not gonna be any parking. It doesn’t help that the shop is next to a nail salon, a market, and a soul food restaurant, but at the same time, the nail salon (dimes), the market (products), and the soul food restaurant (soul food) add to the ambiance of the area. You can occasionally get your car washed, or an oil change in the lot which adds to the traffic jam.

Once inside everybody does one of these things: A) Nod at your barber and ask “how many you got?” B) Walk in, sit down, and hope you get a cut. C) Walk over to your barber to ask how many he got and do a long series of handshakes and clowning while the person getting their haircut grows increasingly impatient. D) Walk in talking loud, go around dapping every person in the building, and try desperately to find one person that wants to listen to your bullshit. I’m an A and once in a great while a C. No matter your letter, whether you’re in the chair or waiting your turn, you get to listen in on some enlightening conversations.

1. “Would you do 6 years in prison for $10 million dollars?” While I wasn’t a part of the conversation, I still had to consider it. My personal sticking point was which kind of prison was it. They were going back and forth between the state pen and the federal prison. I decided to myself I would do 6 years in federal prison for $48mil. It would be like playing for the Timberwolves for 6 years and getting $8mil a season. I wouldn’t like it, but I think I could tough it out.

2. “Lloyd Banks is a better rapper than Nas, Jadakiss, and Young Buck.” I had to put my two cents in on this one. I said Nas was the best out of the 4 and Lloyd was the worst. I had Jada second and Buck third. When I think about Hip Hop, I rarely think of Lloyd Banks. I don’t have anything against him, but he’s not in Nas’ class. Most of the 9-10 people had Jada #1. That led to us being serenaded with Banks lyrics to prove that he’s the best on the list. Needless to say, my mind didn’t change.

3. “See, y’all can have Buffie and that ass but I like women like that.” The comment was made in reference to a nice looking slim woman that was walking into the nail shop.  I’m saying slim but she could have easily been called skinny. I’m guessing she weighed 5-7 pounds less than Kelly. I’m in the middle on this one. ”That ass” is nice to look at and even chill with, but the big ass gets old… and saggy. I like for a woman to have an appropriate amount of meat on her bones. She doesn’t need to look like she needs a meal, and I don’t want her looking like she can’t wait to eat. The shop opinions were across the board. Some dudes were in the Kelly and lower camp, a few were in the middle with me, a number of guys liked that ass, and one cat was really rollin with the big chicks. I believe the exact quote was “Lane Bryant Giants”.

4. “Kobe Bryant is a bitch.” I didn’t bring up the subject, and I’m all Kobe’d out, so I didn’t offer anything more than “he definitely could’ve handled his trade demand better”. Great information, I know, but I wanted to listen more than talk. The group was split close to 50-50 on trade him vs. build around him. Nearly everybody that felt Kobe should stay wanted the Lakers to get Jermaine O’neal and Ron Artest to run with KB24. The get him out camp wanted damn near anybody else playing for the Lakers. They wanted to trade him to Phoenix, Dallas, Memphis, or to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett. There’s no room for a salary cap or trade restrictions in the barber shop, you just think of a deal and spit.

5. “You better start stocking up on fifths.” The BET and ASCAP Awards are in Los Angeles next week, so that statement was advice on having your bar prepared. The dude that suggested we stock up also said “I got condoms everywhere… I’m ready for anything.”, and  something along the lines of wanting to “catch a [woman] that looks like a deer in headlights of the big city”.. I’m paraphrasing but barely. I won’t be attending either award show, and I don’t know if I’ll go to any parties. I’m not planning on stocking up on alcohol but if I were I’d have Johnny Walker Black or Bombay Sapphire wall to wall.

The barber shop is always home to some lively debate. It doesn’t matter if knowledge is being dropped or somebody’s just kicking some bullshit, it’s cool. There are so many things heard at the barber shop that it becomes hard to remember any. The only thing that sucks about the barber shop is when your barber has to leave early but he didn’t tell anybody that was waiting for him until he was leaving.. On the bright side, I get to go back and forth on which Jordan’s are the best (1s, IVs, and XIs) or what exactly constitutes “trickin on a broad”, on Thursday.

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