Haiku is an unrhymed, syllabic form adapted from the Japanese: three lines of five, seven and five syllables. Because it is so brief, a haiku is necessarily imagistic, concrete and pithy, capturing a single moment in a very few words. I believe this is adaptable to the world of sports because the most mesmerizing of moments seem to happen in the briefest of seconds. These three short lines have the potential to define a game, player, or sport as much as any single unforgettable play.

Haiku:
Kaymer takes major

Wishing Tiger would come back

Then I just might care
–
Brett Phelps is a regular writer for The Golden Sombrero who splits most of his time between the Land of Enchantment and the Biggest Little City in the World and contributes weekly to You Been Blinded. Known in other circles as Slo-Mo and Captain Buck Nasty, he is a wandering gypsy and amateur conspiracy theorist. He likes skiing, getting thrown out of sporting events, and long walks on the beach. He hates being in handcuffs, as this is usually a sign he will spend the night in jail. Any questions, comments, concerns, love or hate mail can be sent to him at brettsta04@yahoo.com

Tony Romo likes to pick up his golf clubs during the offseason and play on any golf course he can find. He’s played with Michael Jordan and Justin Timberlake, and he’s been ripped by golf legend Lee Trevino.

While Romo is a decent golfer his game isn’t quite ready for the big stage. Yesterday it wasn’t good enough for a pitch and putt.

Thanks to the Dallas Morning News we know that Romo played the back nine like he was under center in a playoff game.

After an even-par front nine under rainy conditions early, Romo shot a 44 on the back nine with bogeys at Nos. 11, 12, 14, 15 and 17 as the wind kicked up. He also had a triple-bogey on No. 16.

If Romo had qualified for the Open he would’ve had a small scheduling problem. The U.S. Open is at Bethpage June 18-20 and the Cowboys have a minicamp June 16-18. Now that he’s failed to make the Open for the second year in a row Tony won’t have to make a decision. Romo attempts to qualify for the Byron Nelson Championship later today.

Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo fails to qualify for U.S. Open [Dallas Morning News]

Cheyenne Woods, the niece of Tiger Woods, will be hitting the links for Wake Forest, but in the meantime she’s showing that her uncle’s game has rubbed off on her. At the :42 second mark of this video Cheyenne does her version of golf ball juggling.

Ok.. So who will have the better pro career, Cheyenne Woods or Michelle Wie? Michelle Wie has more experience, but Cheyenne has the bloodlines. If she has Tiger’s drive Cheyenne will easily be the better of the two.

• Golf legend Lee Trevino gives his opinion on Tony Romo

The Dallas Cowboys were a popular preseason pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. Sixteen games later the ‘Boys missed the playoffs, Pacman Jones got in more trouble, and the team might dump Terrell Owens.

Many observers blame the Cowboys’ problems on a dysfunctional locker room, but hall of fame golfer Lee Trevino says the trouble begins under center. Trevino joined Craig Shemon and James Washington on Fox Sports Radio’s Out of Bounds and said somebody needs to coach Tony Romo up.

Let me tell you something. I’ve analyzed this thing backwards, sideways, every way, OK? They need to teach [Tony] Romo how to stay in the pocket…They need to teach Romo how to stay in the pocket. I don’t care how good your offensive line is you can’t run around out there like Fran Tarkenton and expect those big guys to keep those guys off of you. You have to step up in the pocket, because those guys are coming from around the back, and give your offensive linemen a chance to block. When you start running sideways you can only throw to one side of the field, my friend. You cannot throw to the other side. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking with it.

Lee Trevino was born in Dallas and is obviously a huge fan of the Cowboys, but I didn’t expect The Merry Mex to go in on one of his brethren. Romo isn’t the most clutch QB in the league, but his pocket presence is the least of Dallas’ worries.

When you think of trash talking you most likely think of a big-mouth wide receiver arguing with a tight end, a World Series champion calling his division rivals “Choke artist”, a hockey player talking about sloppy seconds, and thousands of other sports related beef scenarios before you get to a caddy v. golfer war of words.

The caddy is Tiger Woods’ bag handler, Steve Williams, and he started things off by calling Phil Mickelson a prick. To prove that he’s not a prick, Mickelson had his people put together a statement in response to Williams.

From the L.A. Times:

Sunday, Mickelson’s representatives sent a brusquely worded statement to media outlets that included this comment from Mickelson, “After seeing Steve Williams’ comments all I could think of was how lucky I am to have a class act like Bones on my bag and representing me.” Bones is the nickname for Mickelson’s caddie, Jim MacKay

Mickelson went on to add that the “Nice tits” joke is a tour retread:

Mickelson also said a “joke” told by Williams in which the player was heckled by a fan over his weight during this year’s US Open at Torrey Pines was “a total fabrication”. “It is based on an incident on the 17th hole during a practice round of the US Open at Bethpage in 2002 that involved a European Tour player. The story has been retold often but Woods and Williams were not present at that incident,” he said.

Tiger Woods hasn’t commented, and he pink slipped Fluff for getting full of himself, but since he thinks Phil Mickelson is a prick he’ll let Stevie slide. I can’t wait to see Mickelson walk 18 with Woods and Williams whenever Tiger returns to the course next year.

• Former NBA player Charles Barkley takes a shot at Michael Jordan

Charles Barkley is good for getting people to talk about him because of something he’s said. Right now there are people pissed off at Barkley for saying John McCain has to play the race card in order to win the election. I’m sure the Round Mound doesn’t care.

Charles Barkley was in North Carolina this past weekend and stopped by the East Carolina Pirates basketball practice where he spoke to and worked with the team. Charles also took questions from the crowd and answered honestly about Michael Jordan and gambling.

From Reflector.com:

On his golf game compared to Jordan’s: “Michael’s a better golfer. I’m a better GM (general manager), though.”

On his gambling prowess compared to Jordan’s: “Michael’s a better gambler because he has no limits. Even I don’t have Michael Jordan money.”

Chuck loves f’n with MJ; like the time he heckled Michael for shanking a golf shot. Charles is right when he says Jordan’s a better golfer, but they’re equally shitty at gambling. I can’t give the nod to the Chuckster in the GM department since he’s never been one but there’s no way he’s any worse than Michael Jordan has been.

• Golfer John Daly was detained by Winston-Salem police after passing out drunk at a local Hooters

Golfer John Daly passed out drunk at a Winston-Salem, North Carolina Hooters early Sunday morning forcing local police to detain him until he sobered up. Anybody that’s familiar with Daly knows that John enjoys a drink or 30 when he’s not on the golf course and that he loves the ladies, so this story isn’t as shocking as it is expected.

From Golf.com:

Police officers were called to the Hooters at 120 Hanes Square Circle in Winston-Salem at 2:17 a.m. Sunday. When police arrived, Daly, who had passed out at the restaurant, was already being treated by emergency medical workers, according to police reports. Emergency workers said Daly refused to go to a hospital.

According to police, Daly “appeared extremely intoxicated and uncooperative.” Daly again refused to go to the hospital and was eventually asked to leave by Hooters employees, police said.

In John Daly’s defense, the only reason the cops took him to jail was so he could sober up because he didn’t have transportation. Seems to me that the Winston-Salem P.D. has their logic backwards, but what else would you expect from Mayberry?

The PGA created the FedEx Cup to give golf their own version of a playoff. The Cup has been a failure in its first two years due to players (Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh) having the championship locked up when the “playoffs” begin, rendering the remaining tournaments useless.

Golf legend Jack Nicklaus spoke to the Los Angeles Times about the FedEx Cup and you can put him with the group of people that believe the idea sucks.

From the L.A. Times:

“Did they play that this year?” Nicklaus told The Times.

“I didn’t watch a second of it. Two years in a row, it was basically over before the Tour Championship was even played, and that doesn’t make sense.”

Jack isn’t completely against the FedEx Cup. He just thinks it’s a lame idea that needs some work.

“They still have some tweaking to do,” Nicklaus said. “It has a tendency to take away from the rest of the tour events. It’s always, ‘He’s got X-amount of FedEx Cup points.’ A guy doesn’t give a rat about FedEx points, he cares about how he’s playing.”

I wasn’t a fan of the FedEx Cup before Jack spoke, but reading how he feels solidifies my position. The game of golf was fine before the FedEx Cup came along, and if they ever decide to drop it, golf will still be ok. The players won’t want to get rid of the opportunity to pick up an extra $10 million so unfortunately the FedEx Cup is probably here to stay.

When I posted the video of Tiger Woods putting a Rubik’s Cube I thought the shot was digitally enhanced. I know Tiger’s a bad mofo, but I thought knocking down a block of plastic from 10 feet on the first try was impossible. This behind the scenes video from the EA Sports commercial shoot shows that it was all real.

Seeing Tiger putt the cube like that makes me believe it.. A little. For all I know EA Sports could have faked the behind scenes too.

The PGA thought a playoff system, better known as the FedEx Cup, would add excitement to the game. They were wrong, and now that Vijay Singh has all but wrapped up this year’s Cup the playoffs are officially a bust. This means that the PGA recorded their “Playoff” commercials for no reason.

The PGA went after athletes with big time playoff experience for this campaign. The ads feature guys like Michael Jordan, John Elway, Joe Sakic, Emmitt Smith, Ben Roethlisberger, Darryl Strawberry, David Wells and Joe Buck.. Wait.. What?!?

A better idea would’ve been to have Joe talk about calling a big moment in the playoffs instead of bs’n about some little league baseball trophy he won in 3rd grade. Joe Buck saying “it’s important to remain as monotone as possible during the biggest moments in the playoffs” would’ve been more accurate.