The Christmas present Philadelphia Eagles fans want most this and any holiday season is for the Birds to make the playoffs while the Cowboys, Giants, and Redskins crumble. The Skins are done and the Cowboys can finish the Giants season on Sunday, and if so Philly fan is halfway home. Dallas looks like a lock to make the postseason so the folks in Philadelphia have to hope for another Romo playoff collapse. On the flipside there’s one thing that no Eagles fan should want.A Michael Vick Jersey.

When Philadelphia signed Vick people were all Wildcat this and Donovan McNabb watch out that. Those people were wrong. But the Eagles were right to sign Vick. They gave him a shot to get back in the league and prove he can handle the NFL regimen. He’s been fine off the field but he hasn’t had enough true quarterback snaps to gauge his level of play. The reason this is a terrible gift is because Vick is one and done in Philadelphia. He’ll be the starter somewhere next season or at least competing for a job. Don’t believe me? Look at Buffalo and San Francisco.

Tiger and Elin Woods are the only people having a longer week than Charlie Weis and Jimmy Clausen. Weis has had to listen to talk of him being fired because of his poor coaching at Notre Dame. Jimmy Clausen got punched in the eye because of Charlie Weis’ ineptness. The best Christmas present for Charlie Weis would be to land on his feet with the New England Patriots. The best present for Clausen comes from Rite-Aid.

Formerly known as Bruise Away, this improved reformulated product was created to help people who suffer from areas of redness, black and blue marks, or purple blotches. It is excellent for lessening the appearance of small blood vessels on the face & body.

This is exactly what Jimmy needs to cure his black eye. Charlie Weis should put a couple of bottles of healing cream in Clausen’s stocking to thank Jimmy for being one of the few bright spots in Weis’ Notre Dame career.

A lot of times there’s nothing within reason to buy that special someone for Christmas so we try to be cute or funny with our gifts. Other times you see something so perfect that you have to buy it for the person whether there’s an occasion or not and no matter the price. Like this perfect gift for Erin Andrews.

Chicago insurance man and traveling-perv Michael David Barrett plead not guilty to charges of secretly filming ESPN’s Erin Andrews in the nude and attempting to sell the videos. Unless he’s going for some sort of insanity defense I don’t know how MDB’s gonna beat this. While something like this shouldn’t happen again there’s no guarantee that it won’t but now Erin Andrews will be prepared.

Since a number of MSM writers said what happened to Erin was partially the fault of the bloggers because we objectify her I think the bloggers should all chip in and buy this for EA.. Especially considering the little known fact that this hidden camera detector doubles as a back massager.

Caron Butler deserves a lot of credit for looking himself in the mirror and acknowledging he had a problem. Butler was addicted to Mountain Dew but he shook the lime-colored caffeine-filled sweet-water to help him shed some pounds and he hasn’t looked back. Knowing this, there’s no way he’s getting these for Christmas.

Picking up a present for Chad Ochocinco will be pretty easy if he’s on your Christmas shopping list. A cellphone, webcam, bullhorn, or any means for Ocho to communicate with the masses are all good ideas but he has those. Most of us can’t afford to buy Chad his own television so that leaves us the old reliable solution. A book.

There are two things Ochocinco loves besides football: Himself and talking about himself. Chad would’ve completed his life trifecta if the NFL hadn’t implemented a no tweeting during games rule. He’ll have to settle for somebody hooking him up with a couple of these books for Christmas so he can strengthen his social networking skills.

If the feel good story in NASCAR is Jimmie Johnson capturing his fourth consecutive Sprint Cup Title the worst story to emerge from the sport this year was the saga of Jeremy Mayfield. He had his suspension from the league reinstated after testing positive for meth a second time, got into a war of words with his step-mother, lost most of his racing team, got sued by his lawyer for unpaid fees, and he recently held an auction for his possessions.

If Mayfield has cleaned up his act he’ll be spending a lot of time sitting around which means a movie is the perfect Christmas gift for him. Just avoid these titles so Mayfield doesn’t think your present is a diss.

It doesn’t have to be the holiday season for Los Angeles Lakers head coach and Zenmaster Phil Jackson to give his players books. He’s handed out Ecce Homo, My Losing Season, and The White Boy Shuffle to show “that I appreciate them and am focused on who they are.” With technology quickly erasing the print platform it’s time for Big Chief Phil and the Lakers to catch up with the times.

Phil has to realize books are played. Unless they’re being used as a gaming system stand or hollowed out to carry some of Humboldt County’s finest, a book is a mini-anchor with words. You have to turn the pages to keep reading and if you collect enough of them you’re gonna need a bookshelf. That’s too much trouble to put Kobe, and the rest of the guys through. It’s time to turn to the Amazon Kindle.

The Starting Five version of the Kindle:

The End of the Bench version of the Kindle:

Using the Kindle will raise the chance of the players reading the books Phil gives them by 25 percent. I’ll say it’ll be around New Year’s Eve before Ron Artest figures out you can’t use the machine to tweet.

Now that most of your food has digested and the tryptophan has worn off it’s time to focus on getting gifts for the special people in your life.
The holidays are a time for tipping back drinks with family and friends. Unfortunately not all of the people close to us can hold their liquor. If you don’t know anybody like this then you probably are the person.

I have somebody in my circle like this.. Let’s call him Til. He was the man in high school. He use to serve people on the basketball court and if he hadn’t found the bottle early-on he might’ve played college ball at Kansas. But Til loves Hennessy. I mean loves it. Wakes up to it and goes to sleep with it.. I reached a point where I couldn’t be around him because I was pissed at him for what he let himself become. It’s his choice and his life but he literally could’ve been somebody..

With that said the Game Party series by Midway Entertainment for the Nintendo Wii is the shiznit.

You can play 11 games including Quarterback Challenge, Trivia, Hoop Shoot, and Shuffleboard, but the the big attraction is Ping Cup aka Beer Pong. There’s no need to buy a beer pong table, ping pong balls, or plastic cups with Game Party. Just buy your favorite beverage and turn on the Wii.

Now that most of your food has digested and the tryptophan has worn off it’s time to focus on getting gifts for the special people in your life. We’ve all made the mistake of giving somebody a present that they didn’t want or care about and dealt with this uncomfortable exchange:

Them: Ah.. Thanks (With a look of WTF)
You: You don’t like it? I can tak…
Them: No, no.. It’s.. Really.. Thank You
You: -

Well I’m here to help prevent you from continuing the vicious cycle of awkward Christmas conversations. Follow my gift giving guide and you can’t go wrong.

Once upon a time there was a video of a kid opening a Christmas present to find a Todd Marinovich jersey. His mom says “He’s gonna be a player” although Todd had been benched for the season and never played in the NFL again. As much as things change they stay the same. Fast-forward to 2009 and Jamarcus Russell jersey is the new Todd Marinovich.

Why would these parents do this to their child?:

Damn he grew up quick:

The jersey isn’t the worst Jamarcus Russell related gift out there. You can pay $9.95 for a 437-word article about him,get a JaMarcus Russell silver coin,or you can tell the person you planned on buying something with Russell’s name on it that you threw the money out of a car window while traveling 65 miles per hour. Not getting the gift is just as valuable and it helps whoever finds the money. It’s a win-win.

The phrase “cancel Christmas” is just that, a phrase. It seems Dirk Nowitzki is taking it to heart after last season’s embarrassing first round playoff exit. He’s not buying anybody, including Steve Nash, a Christmas gift.. Not even a Dirk doll.. Talk about bah humbug. If Dirk Nowitzki or Baron Davis pulled your name in the secret Santa gift exchange, you got screwed.

Tags: Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, Dallas Mavericks, Phoenix Suns, Baron Davis, NBA, utube, youtube